We Lost our Banana

by Tom Pappas

I am writing this with tears in my eyes.  Eleven days ago my son called to say that, “Jana has killed herself.” For the second time in 15 years I stood with Andy at a graveside grieving a beloved woman in our lives.

Jana grew up fast and couldn’t wait for the next milestone. She had been 21 for a mere three months. She did a lot of moving as a kid and made friends easily. She was kind and perceptive. She was fiercely independent. She wrote that nothing could dissuade her for her last act in life and I believe that.

Her aunt, Christine, dubbed her Jana Banana and she seemed to like it. Each grandchild decorated a garden stepping stone and I remember her saying, “I know exactly what mine will be.” She picked out all the yellow from the kit and fashioned a banana in the concrete.

 

One day I drove her home from high school and she reported to me, “I try to bring joy to every situation.” And she did until the last couple of years when depression gripped her tightly. Her family (both sides) has firm faith connections. Dad grew up Presbyterian and mom Baptist. Jana knew closeness with God and as with all of us, some times it was more discernible than others.

Our pastor conducted the service masterfully and our son, the musician, sang a song he had written for his daughter; how he did that I do not know.

Family has been extraordinary. Church family and friends have been exemplary. Lots of us want to turn back time and shake her to direct her attention to how many people loved her. I have the consolation that my last time with her was one where I verbalized love (which she heard) and hope (which she didn’t hear).

It hurts a lot, but poor Jana hurt so much more that she felt death was the only way to make her pain quit.  I guess that’s where I start looking for the good news in this awful story. Jana is at peace.

At the graveside the pastor had us turn to each other and say, “It’s not your fault.” While not good news per se, it’s important to know it and believe it..

God is real and present.

Of Course It Matters -- But, Maybe Not

by Tom Pappas

Last week I sent out 39 individual emails to fairly new members of our church; here are three responses from folks, far younger than me, who I invited to join a 6-week book study.

“Thank you so much for the invite, but honestly I don't even have time to read for fun anymore ha-ha! Maybe in a couple months once my body's adjusted to my new weird hours I'll be able to get involved.”

“Thanks for the invite, but it will not work for me at this time.   I just can't add another thing into the schedule right now (my little ones are 1 and 3).  It does look like a really interesting book though!  I may have to pick it up on my own.”

“Thanks so much for the invitation!  It feels good to be asked.  Right now might not be the best time for us, we are getting used to being first-time parents (our son was born 7-29-14) and our schedule is pretty out of whack.  We would certainly be interested some time down the road though.”

There are common elements, don’t you think? Polite and grateful. Stressed and hopeful.

Their answers caused me to reflect on how it was for me (us) many years ago.

Who among us doesn’t always need to prioritize and choose? Good for us when we use our resources of time and energy in ways that pay off in the long haul. Good for us when we listen well and drill down to the bedrock commitments that make us better, our families better and the world better.

Since receiving the responses I shared above, I have been reminiscing my yes’s and no’s as a person their age and in their position. That was a busy time and it’s possible I sometimes said yes under the guise of, “I will be a better dad/husband/Christian”, if I take that seminar, lead that class, or go on that retreat. I cannot say if that is, in fact, what happened.

Turning back to the present, it is my sincere prayer that my respondents who don’t do the study get full value in not doing it. May they be the best moms, dads and new employees on crazy schedules that they can possibly be.

Also in the present I argue with myself about the merits of supporting the institution and being a team player, or letting others be that person while I take care of what I think is a wiser personal choice. Truth be told, most of the time that I take one for the team, it ends up being worthwhile and I don’t regret it.

Of this I am completely sure. God is trustworthy. Jesus is the finest example of how to live and how to be fully alive. Trusting God offers assurance that God’s will can be achieved with either of two good choices – and don’t we all know stories of God redeeming lousy choices.   

Summer Visits

by Doug Wysockey-Johnson

For many of us, summer is a time to see family.  We use these precious months to visit new grandchildren, or aging parents. We witness young cousins reconnecting while the adults good naturedly argue about whether Suzy has “Wysockey eyes” or “the Johnson nose.” On my vacation I spent time on the Lake Michigan shoreline where my grandparents spent their honeymoon.  They are gone, but their spirit lingers. 

Yes we slip into our old family roles.  Conflicts do come up and tempers flare. But there is also the realization that this is dear and fleeting time.  Looking around the table while we celebrated my father’s 87^th birthday, I had to wonder:  What will this celebration look like next year?  Will we all be here and healthy? 

Experiencing these family connections is one of the joys of summer.  The poet Wendell Berry captures the spirit of these times:  

I tremble with gratitude

for my children and their children

who take pleasure in one another.

At our dinners together, the dead

enter and pass among us

in living love and in memory.

And so the young are taught.

                        (Poem #VIII, from Leavings, published by Counterpoint) 

I wonder:   Who from your extended family did you enjoy seeing this summer?  Who did you miss?

Please feel free to share and comment below!